What Happen?

That night, when it all started, I think i push you to the limit. I wanted to say sorry. I want you to know how sorry i was for all the bad things i did. Honestly, i don’t get the point. What’s wrong with me? I may have been too annoying. I keep on discussing things we shouldn’t anymore. But i only want things to get clear for the both of us. I don’t want time to past we’re not really okay.

When the first time you told me those most painful words i never heard from you the past four years, i felt block out. I was ashamed. I didn’t notice i was actually turning that way. I planned not to show up anymore but what can i do? My eye seeks your presence, my ears wanted to hear your voice and my heart is longing for your love. What happened? Why did we turn out this way? You knew how i always find it hard trying to forget the past pain you did. You knew i couldn’t forget things easy as you can and you knew I’m not use to of painful words from you. You knew me so well but now i mean nothing much important than i was before.

The way you talk to me seems you lose your interest, like i only give i big damn of your time. No more laughing time. Sharing thoughts and a private conversation we used to do back then. It hurts me. The way you show how you wanted time to past right away. Like i beg for your attention and ask for a short time is a big waste for you. Why? What’s with the cheerful voice and happy face when you talk with them and when with me is like you have no choice. You never stop holding on things they remind you of them, even when I’m actually in front of you, waiting for you to talk to me and start a happy conversation. It looks like you don’t want to be with me anymore. I say words but it doesn’t sink on your mind. =”( do i mean nothing to you now?

You send me thought like you don’t want me to give up. Like, you’ll die if I’ll be gone. But it doesn’t feel that way when we were together. You said i should hold on to what we have started and treasured. Why me? Why only me? You’re actually giving me reason opposite to what you desire and i wanted to crash! I’m not getting this. I’m melting trying to understand what is supposed to be mean. Where is my place now?

Again you did, those words came out. A pin was torturing me deep inside. Are we that ease for you not to know how hurt i was? I don’t know what to do, so i just cried =”( but my mind don't know where to start the puzzle to fix, or should it be fix? You ask for forgiveness and so i give. But last night when you were here, again you did. Now tell me? Should we just be friend? Or I’ll try to understand, one last more?

I have sacrificed some of my happiness just to have you. I lost some friends, low down in school. But i don’t blame you, not anyone. It’s my choice and i didn't want to regret. Somehow, yes, we did become happy and it was just when, when we started getting far from each other. I miss you so much like you’re far a million miles from me =”( That two nights, you just don’t have idea how i wanted to end up the pain. I wasted time crying alone in my room and trying to hide me moaning loud like i was dying. It was hard limiting yourself to burst out. You said to make it up to me, but you never did. It’s not important to you. You say words you never really meant to do. You only wanted me to stop and keep quiet and it left you no choice. I hold to every promise you give and i end up with waiting till i have no idea when is to end the waiting. It hurts me more that despite all this mishaps i still want YOU. =’(

Chin Iyah